Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Pain in my A##

I was reading Jon Baliles' Byrd Theater posting on RCR this morning and am very glad that someone else feels strongly about the seats in that place. I love the Byrd Theater and make it a point to attend the VCU French Film Festival there each year. I must say however, after three marathon days of film viewing, my ass feels like its been cross country on a tricycle.

I went to see Bruce Hornsby there and, between the large lady breathing popcorn breath on me and the seat sloping downward at a 45 degree angle, I couldn't even enjoy the show. I sat there that night doing some mental calculation on the actual cost of seat replacement for the theater and decided that, at 2 bucks a pop for second run movies, the seats may not get replaced this millennium.

I've since reconsidered my pessimistic prediction and decided that there's got to be a way to help the old Byrd out on this. Hell, there are benefits thrown for much less than this noble cause and I'm sure there are enough sore asses out there that would be more than willing to throw in just to avoid one more event sitting on those portable ATMs (ass torture machines).

Thanks to the world wide web, I've priced theater seats and it looks to me they can be had for about $150 each. For a 1400 seat theater like the Byrd, that comes to approximately $200,000. Now there are all kinds of ways to raise money. There's benefit shows, fund drives, corporate sponsorship, etc. Hell, they might even be able to get a grant from the National Hemorrhoid Prevention Society. All that is needed is for us to get behind (sorry) this thing. I'm willing to give my share to whomever can spearhead this effort. I give dollars to feed and care for both animals and humans but, by god, it's time to devote some resources to my ass!

This is a call to all that are willing to share ideas and devote time to this issue. An ass is a terrible thing to waste!


Sarah said...

I have to agree. I definitely avoid any 3 hour epics at the Byrd.

I think half of the money raised from selling VIP tickets during the Carytown NYE was supposed to go to the Byrd Foundation. But I doubt it was enough to put a dent in your estimate of $200K.

Mephisto Phil said...

Maybe VCU should step up since they have the Film Festival there.

HEK said...


I feel your pain. At six foot one and a quarter, it's tough at times at the Byrd, but as the old barn is at the end of my street, I rather consider her my home entertainment center. Except there's no remote big enough to change the program. Hence, almost two months of the Bee Movie. Which I've not seen, and won't.

Yet, this is an amazing, resplendent place, which not everyone here understands how fortunate we are to still possess.

Except, the Byrd can be a royal pain.

Problem with willy nilly putting in replacement seats with the old ones is that..each one is sited and fit to suit its row.

The Byrd Foundation's plan is indeed to replace the seats. But first things first. There's point to fixing the seats until the roof is repaired, and that is underway.